random angsssssst
Jun. 3rd, 2009 08:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ferinoughOhno knew he wasn't the type to get emotional about words, about philosophical questions or things described to him as "signs". It seemed a waste of energy to worry about what would happen, what could happen, or what might happen once he'd adopted a certain way of looking at the world. Given a question about his hobby, he could talk for hours, but creative responses were not his forte. Make-believe was lost on him if he was left to do all of the imagining.
And he felt guilty about that, sometimes, given his tendency to retreat into his mind. He must have looked like such a daydreamer, a thousand oddities in his subconscious that others assumed were there to explore. But he was a simple kind of observant, thought only of schedules and food and family, and when asked to think outside the box he left an interviewer underwhelmed.
If.
It never meant anything to him, really, once he'd accepted that things were the way they were. Spending time on escape plans only left him suffering with headaches.
If he needed to bring someone home to his parents' house, then he would. Because that was his situation, he had no other option (appropriate for an idol, anyway). If he hadn't been in Arashi, then he might have been forced to stay in Juniors, debuted with another group, or maybe just worked at a host club or convenience store for awhile. If he could have all the money in the world, someone would probably still expect him to work, so it probably wouldn't make a difference - he'd just be richer and in Arashi, living in his parents' home, too tan for everyone's tastes.
But sometimes if wasn't a question, sometimes if was the excuse, not a way to keep the attention of magazine readers, but the final say in what mattered to him most.
He'd tried to focus on the present, on the reality, had attempted to persuade with lips and tongues and fingertips lightly pressed against warm cheeks.
"If I were," Nino had whispered, let him down gently, slowly walked away. Ohno didn't need to hear him finish, knew in his broken heart the rest - but I'm not.
If had never meant anything, really, until it made love an idea and not for him.
And he felt guilty about that, sometimes, given his tendency to retreat into his mind. He must have looked like such a daydreamer, a thousand oddities in his subconscious that others assumed were there to explore. But he was a simple kind of observant, thought only of schedules and food and family, and when asked to think outside the box he left an interviewer underwhelmed.
If.
It never meant anything to him, really, once he'd accepted that things were the way they were. Spending time on escape plans only left him suffering with headaches.
If he needed to bring someone home to his parents' house, then he would. Because that was his situation, he had no other option (appropriate for an idol, anyway). If he hadn't been in Arashi, then he might have been forced to stay in Juniors, debuted with another group, or maybe just worked at a host club or convenience store for awhile. If he could have all the money in the world, someone would probably still expect him to work, so it probably wouldn't make a difference - he'd just be richer and in Arashi, living in his parents' home, too tan for everyone's tastes.
But sometimes if wasn't a question, sometimes if was the excuse, not a way to keep the attention of magazine readers, but the final say in what mattered to him most.
He'd tried to focus on the present, on the reality, had attempted to persuade with lips and tongues and fingertips lightly pressed against warm cheeks.
"If I were," Nino had whispered, let him down gently, slowly walked away. Ohno didn't need to hear him finish, knew in his broken heart the rest - but I'm not.
If had never meant anything, really, until it made love an idea and not for him.
no subject
Date: 2009-06-04 03:58 am (UTC);o;
On second thought Ohno is the star heart-breaker here, just not in the conventional sense. ;o;;;;;;;
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Date: 2009-06-05 06:31 pm (UTC)Make-believe was lost on him if he was left to do all of the imagining. --> I love this line.
no subject
Date: 2009-06-05 06:46 pm (UTC)wonderful though.